Jeremy Tucker, Dragon Fucker

The other day, VICE posted this amazing article about Bad-Dragon.com, a website that sells high-quality, adult toys for people that want to… well, fuck dragons and other imaginary beasts. VICE interviewed Varka, the founder of the company who started making dragon dildos when he was living in the dorms in Scotland, as well as a few of Bad Dragon’s customers to find out more about what sort of people dream of dragon boners. The article is absolutely fascinating and as interesting as Varka is, it was Alexas, the 19 year old “toonophiliac” and “fictosexual” who says she loves to double penetrate herself with big black dragon cocks until she passes out from all the orgasms, that really captured our interest.

Of course, as easy as it would be to make fun of people who cite Dragon Ball Z characters as their ideal lovers, we think Alexa is more pioneer than pervert. There are already mainstream porn companies offering “total interactive control” over porn stars like Sasha Grey, “I’ll do whatever you want” webcam services, and let’s not forget the infamous Real Dolls. As sexual entertainment becomes more controllable and immersible, it’s only a matter of time before the mainstream breaks out beyond the barriers of what’s “real.” Nerds who have affairs on World of Warcraft or jack off to anthropomorphic werewolf art are just paving the way for that sexual revolution. So while today ordering a fuck tentacle might make you a sexual outcast, in the world of tomorrow, not getting it on with fictitious entities with your virtual reality wired Fleshlight will be what people consider prude.

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June Bedpost Confessions

Continuing with our hit parade of improved F*Bomb content, we proudly present the brand spankin’ new F*Bomb event calendar. If you’ll kindly direct your attention over to the sidebar, you’ll see the F*Bomb Approved Calendar, which will soon be a must-see reminder for all the sexy, salacious, and smutty events Austin has to offer. To have your event included on the calendar, e-mail your event info to [email protected]. Kicking things off this month is the always fabulous Bedpost Confessions. Here’s the low down from their press release.

Next Show June 9th! It’s time for another pulsating presentation of passionate pass times! As usual, we’ll be at the 29th Street Ballroom– the new name for our ongoing venue next to Spider House. 

Thrills, chills, and all things arousing will be on stage next Thursday at 8 PM (but get there early if you want a seat!) Admission is FREE and the show is adults only.

This month’s featured performers include

  • Sophia Agapedis waxing hilarious about sex as a gay man in a woman’s body
  • Adam Sultan of Mistress Stephanie and her Melodic Cat
  • Lurleen Haskell and her guitar, giving new meaning to “hot country”
  • Our own Mia Martina’s enthralling storytelling
  • Kelly Marshall with a tale of seaside adventure
  • Rosie Q as MC
  • And, of course, your confessions

Door prizes inclue the Berman Venus G Vibrator, created by sexpert Dr. Berman herself,  Babeland’s Satin Bondage Kit and a gift certificate for a facial or wax from Sassy Miss Waxy!

We’ll also have our CONFESS tee shirts, tanks and panties available for purchase. Tell your lover to tell all in the sexiest way possible!

We hope to see you there!

WHAT: Bedpost Confessions (erotic literature reading) 

WHEN: June 9th, 8-10PM

WHERE: 29th Street Ballroom (next to Spiderhouse)

And if you can’t make it this month, be sure to attend July 14th when F*Bomb will be reading a piece even more outre than our infamous last performance.

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Voyeur (1986)

Welcome to the very first F*Bomb porno review. Since starting SMUT CITY a couple of months ago, we here at F*Bomb have become all but obsessed with Golden Age porn. Spanning the period of time from when hardcore porn became mostly legal (late 60s) to the era when home video glutted the marketed and crapped on the quality (mid 80s), the Golden Age produced a treasure trove of pornographic features that are everything modern porn isn’t. They tend to have plots, acting, cinematography, editing, themes etc… basically all the qualities that separate a “film” from a compilation of badly shot footage of copulation. Reviews of these high quality XXX features are just one of many exciting new things coming to F*Bomb.

For our first review, we’re going to be looking at Chuck Vincent’s VOYEUR.

The opening title shot

Voyeurism is a fairly obvious theme for a pornographic film. After all, it’s impossible to watch any sort of porn without engaging in at least a little voyeurism. Though the same could be said about traditional cinema, the acting and production outside of porn is usually more high quality and apparent, making the voyeuristic aspects more subdued than the rawness that comes with two people fucking in front of a camera.  That being said, there are two notable directors whose work explored these themes – Hitchcock and DePalma – and Vincent homages both quite liberally.

Voyeur‘s plot is a loose mix of Rear Window and a standard private detective story. Robert Bullock stars as Julius Kurtz, a disgraced dirty cop who got kicked off the force and is driving a cab for a living when one day a fare offers him a lucrative job. The guy is an attorney and he needs someone to do some surveillance work for an anonymous client, citing something about insider trading and corporate takeovers as the reason why. Bullock accepts the gig and quickly becomes fascinated with the then state-of-the-art video equipment he’s given.

Taija Rae watches herself on screen

After testing out the equipment with his beautiful lady Shelly (played by an extremely sexy pre-blonde Taija Rae), Bullock sets up shop across the street from his target’s apartment and starts surveilling. This being a pornographic film, it comes as little surprise that his target is an attractive lady (Sheri St. Claire) who seems to do little but engage in blatant sexual activity out on her balcony.

The more Bullock watches St. Claire, the more obsessed he becomes, especially as his investigations into who she is or the identity of the mysterious client that hired him turns up nothing but dead ends. Back at home, his relationship with Rae begins deteriorating since Bullock stops sleeping, keeps trying to film her butt while she’s sleeping, and watches the tapes he’s made of St. Clair over and over.

A great way to creep out your spouse

Though Bullock’s descent into voyeuristic obsession and the eventual reveal of the mysterious client are fairly standard thriller fodder, Vincent’s frequent cinematographer Larry Revene (who directed the AMAZING Raw Talent) takes maximum advantage of the inherent possibilities of the theme. Aside from a lot of killer point-of-view shots for when Bullock is filming, and great moments where he watches and rewinds a tape endlessly, the most interesting shot of the film comes when Bullock finds himself trapped in St. Claire’s apartment, hiding under a coffee table after she and lover came home early while he was bugging the place. While he sweats it out under the table, St. Claire and her guest proceed to get it on on top, leading to a lot of great shots up through the glass table at them in action.

The guy probably left a butt print

Voyeur does a lot of interesting things with it’s watcher/watched dynamic and the obsession it creates on both ends of that spectrum, but the most impressive element of all is the way it manages to be simultaneously unsettling and legitimately sexy. A lot of porn that attempts to merge darker themes with hot sex careens back and forth from one to the other, eventually negating both. Bullock’s character in Voyeur unravels before the viewer’s eyes, but never in such a way that interferes with the constant sexuality that is responsible for his decline.

Everything's hotter on VHS

For fans of: voyeurism, 80s video technology, mustaches, Taija Rae, balcony sex

Recommended related non-porn film: Rear Window

Where can I find it: Purchase here or download here

 

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Rape Jokes and Casual Chain Dining–Both Are in Poor Taste

You know all those times when everyone has been like, “I would never go to Applebee’s when Chili’s has skillet queso, better menu art, etc…?”  It turns out we have been wrong all along.

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Amanda Palmer’s Vaginal Geography

Aside from the occasional sudden death masturbation contests, we here at F*Bomb have been slaving away non-stop to get this site in shipshape condition. As you probably noticed, we’ve already tweaked the layout a little bit and added a few new features. Sometime next week we’ll be doing an offical launch of F*Bomb 2.0, coming back full force with not only a better looking site, but a more coherent focused style of content as well.

But in the meantime, seeing as one can only competitively masturbate and web design for so many hours of the day, we discovered this awesome music video by Amanda Palmer and the Young Punx and figured we better post it. The basic premise is that Ms. Palmer is calling her pubic region a “map of Tasmania,” which is a way better euphemism for that zone than “gorilla salad,” and proudly showing it off. See below for an actual comparison.

Map of Tasmania

Woman’s Pubic Hair

See the resemblance? Here’s the video.

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The purest milk available.

Breast milk fetishes are gauche and passe now.  This is what’s up.

milk rules

blonde gargles milk

“Cassidy offers a soothing milk consistently cool and fresh. There’s a trace of something on the verge of blossoming within her mouth that’s agreeably mellow. This is a rare time. Untouched, she is supple and attracts collectors seeking something new.”

Who’s your favorite gargler???

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Just Talkin’ Bout Cum

“Some people’s drug of choice is crack or heroin, but mine? Mine’s a big fat load all over my face.”

This video reminds us a lot of that old George Orwell quote: “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.” Well, if you want a picture of sex in the future, just watch this video. Also, to anyone who says porn stars aren’t good actresses, we ask, Do you think these girls really want to be cum on this badly? Hmm?

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Wanna watch me polish my crystal?

This is exactly what Houston is known for: New Age spirituality and mutual masturbation. This guy probably also wears magnetic bracelets that will extend his life span to 140 years.

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SMUT CITY presents The Opening of Misty Beethoven

Taking a sharp U-turn away from the grimy, uranium warped filth that was CAFE FLESH, for the second exciting edition of SMUT CITY we will be presenting the classy X-rated classic THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN. For those of you who have never seen a Golden Age porno flick before, you’re in for a real treat because MISTY BEETHOVEN is absolutely the best of the best. Directed by softcore auteur Radley Metzger under his hardcore pseudonym Henry Paris, MISTY BEETHOVEN is chock full of those rare elements that elevate pornography beyond mere bumping and grinding, namely a plot, a budget, and decent acting.

Based loosely on George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, MISTY BEETHOVEN tells the story of a young prostitute (played by Constance Money in one of very few acting roles) who gets taken under the wing of a fast talking sexologist (the ubiquitous Jamie Gillis) who is convinced he can turn her into this year’s IT girl of the swinging, sexin’, jet setting scene. So basically, it’s My Fair Lady with blowjobs. Don’t miss it.

And for some other exciting news, legendary synth master Xander Harris was so inspired by the last SMUT CITY he went ahead and wrote us our very own theme music. F*Bomb is hoping to collaborate with Mr. Harris in the future on a very exciting special edition of SMUT CITY, but for now, you’ll have to be satisfied with our kick ass new intro song!

Smut City Intro

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R.I.P. Astroworld

This video is almost as heavenly as riding the rickety Cyclone on a hot summer day. She really XLR8s herself to a huge finish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpCybNE5NX0&feature=player_embedded

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