The Internet Is A Terrible Place (pt. 2)

Carnal Cartoons

Back in the day, comic books used to have letter sections in their back pages. People would write in to say how awesome or sucky they thought the new Wolverine costume was, while the more artistically talented fans would send in their own, painstakingly done drawings of the Silver Surfer high fiving Spiderman.  While the quality certainly varied, sometimes these kids would turn in pretty impressive works of art. Imagining these high school metal heads doodling epic Kree-Skrull war scenarios rather than pay attention to Algebra was always sort of endearing. But then those kids grew up, got shitty jobs pumping gas, and turned their artistic abilities into something much, much seedier.

Drawings can be sexy. According to that article New Yorker seems to be reprinting every couple of months, “graphic novels” are now a legit artform. From Tijuana Bibles to Housewives at Play, people have been putting pen to paper to express their prurient interests since time immemorial. And that was all fine, until the Internet fucked shit up.

Back in the day, if you wanted to see a crude rendering of Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy swallowing hot gobs of Peter Parker’s webbing, you had to make a shady deal for some fifth generation photocopies in the back room of a comic book store. Then the Internet was invented, and now all you have to do is Google Image search “Elroy Jetson cum slut” to fulfill your dirty 2-D fantasies.

But who’s drawing these things? When Japan makes hentai hotdog porn where a cartoon Takeru Kobayashi gets all his holes stuffed, that’s being created by an industry. But the weirder realms of toon fantasy? These are almost certainly being cranked out by freelancers, working their nib with one hand and their nub with the other. Seriously, F*Bomb wants to know who spends their nights and weekends drawing…

Incestual Simpsons gang bangs?

Family Guy fetish scenes?

Batman getting buttfucked?

Donald fucking himself over? (with MS Paint?!?)

That infamous Doug deleted scene where they put Patty Mayonaise in a “wobbly H?”

Pumbaa’s red rocket?

Hot wallaby and cow action?

Beavis in Butt Head?

Peggy Hill getting done doggystyle? (the Internet is of the opinion that Peggy has giant breasts)

A children’s cartoon seasponge getting his dick sucked by a snail?

Seriously? Fucking seriously?!? WHO is drawing these things? They obviously take time and energy and, some might even say, artistic talent. Why does the Internet feel the need to ruin all of our collective cartoon memories?

Can you find even weirder comic/cartoon porn than F*Bomb was willing to dig up? Hit us up with some hot links in the comments section. Or don’t. Actually, please don’t.