The phrase “fucking hippies” is commonly used as both a pejorative reference to members of that particular subcultural, as well as an accurate description of what those members are often doing. In honor of this Sunday’s SMUT CITY screening of SEX FREAKS (if you don’t know about this, read the post below), F*Bomb would like to take a moment to refresh our readership on the crucial cultural landmarks that lead to the freaky, free love explosion you’ll see lovingly documented in SEX FREAKS.
We were going to do this feature as an illustrated, printable wall poster, but then, you know how these things go: You spend all weekend watching pedal pumping videos and suddenly there’s the deadline and you haven’t done shit. So sorry about that. We blame the hippies. Anyways, without further ado, here’s everything you need to know about the sexual revolution in a linear list presented at a 4th grade reading level.
1955 – San Francisco beats discover sex. However, the act remains far less popular than methamphetamines and bad poetry within the beat community
1956 – Life magazine publishes expose on “oral sex.” Housewives intrigued, though unconvinced
1957 – Time traveling Alfred Kinsey returns to 1948, publishes “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male,” and takes credit of invention of sex for himself
1958 – Sex with clothes removed found to be a fun treat for birthdays, special occasions
1959 – Rock and roll introduces sex to the suburbs. Teenagers finally glad to have something to do while sitting in a parked car besides talk about their mutual fear of nuclear annihilation
1960 – Timothy Leary starts Harvard Psilocybin Project. A tripping grad student makes rough sketch of what eventually becomes “doggystyle” position
1961 – FDA approves oral contraceptive pill
1961 – Women looking for a cool, non-pregnant buzz crush and snort birth control pill. Effects reportedly not as awesome as hoped
1962 – Invention of bra provides women with breast support. Invention of razor and popularization of shaving leads to a decrease in US lice population
1963 – Trio responsible for first threesome outdoes themselves hours later by inviting another friend over
1964 – Study finds number of nudists documented in films eleven times the number of actual nudists worldwide (report also notes the lack of volleyball/attractiveness at actual nudist resorts)
1965 – Bras burned and shaving ceases. Breasts struggle to support themselves while lice rejoice
1966 – Time traveling Alfred Kinsey returns from distant dystopian future. Introduces world to battery powered vibrator, warns of horrifying “beast tube”
1967 – Male population discovers link between guitar playing and sexual intercourse. Thousands of rock, psych, garage, and folk bands formed
1967 – Male population discovers superior causal relationship between drums and sexual intercourse. Drum circles become popular, link between drum playing and sex decreases significantly
1968 – The Zombies release “Odyssey and Oracle”
1968 – Not wearing shoes in public, sleeping with underage girls, both socially acceptable practices in San Francisco
1969 – Lots of people have sex in muddy tents in upstate New York to the distant sounds of Sha Na Na
1970 – Summer of Love gives way to awkward winter where no one can walk around the Height without running into someone they fucked
1970 – Time traveling Alfred Kinsey battles, kills, evil alternate self to prevent paradox. Also, cryptically hints that people might want to try “that other hole”
1971 – Being a barefoot adult male living in a city with a 15 year old girlfriend no longer cool. Being bisexual, living in the suburbs and fucking all your neighbors declared hot new thing
1972 – Asking about someone’s astrological sign replaces, “Hey, have you tried sex yet?” as most popular pick up line
1972 – Deep Throat released. Blowjobs finally stop being half-assed handjobs with a little licking thrown in for show
1973 – Gays fight for civil rights, invent punk and disco, fuck like butts are going out of business
1974 – Sex Freaks released to a small slew of seedy theaters. Masturbators in trench coats confused, remaining hippies too busy being hunted as “least deadly game” to attend screenings, film flops. Time traveling Alfred Kinsey watches it twice, declares it “hella tight”
1975 – Suburbanites entertaining guests promise a little “after dinner grass.” Urban swingers offer guests amyl nitrates, hors d’oeuvres, and a pre-dinner “group grope”
1976 – 1981 – Everyone fucking everyone else. Finding cocaine residue in pubic hair extremely common occurrence
1981 – US government releases AIDs into homosexual communities. Officially ruins everybody’s good time, forever
1981-2010 – Nothing cool or sexy happens
2010 – Debut of F*Bomb at fbombforever.com
2011 – F*Bomb puts up post, “The Sexual Revolution: A Timeline” in anticipation of Sunday night screening of Sex Freaks
2011 – SMUT CITY attendees smoking pot behind The New Movement theater surprised by sudden appearance of time traveling Alfred Kinsey who offers to trade them a vial of super pure “2032 sex acid” for a “quick dick suck.” Guy or girl, doesn’t really matter, says Kinsey
2011 – SMUT CITY screening of Sex Freaks well attended. Everyone leaving theater reports having “awesome time” and “totally glad we came”
