Mighty Hermaphroditey

The 21st century is a weird, radical place. Social theorists and medical technologists are hard at work redesigning gender into something that is both arbitrary and interchangeable. Thailand’s tourism industry is now based not only on MDMA fueled moonlit beach parties, but also the world’s premier gender reassignment surgeons. In this brave new world, it’s not just “he says, she says” but rather “he says, she says, ze says, and zort blurbles”- blurbling being the pheromone based communication signals that zort-gendered individuals release from their ovacular flaps. With transgendered individuals deciding to camp in the newly reclaimed no (wo)man’s land in the middle, our binary boxes are being rendered obsolete before we can even agree on new categorical divisions.

This is all fantastic news. F*Bomb firmly believes that the technological progress Thailand’s dick scalpeling surgeons are making will one day lead to a whole new era of just-for-funsies sexual surgeries like bonus clits and penile trifercation. We can’t wait. But in the meantime, we understand that there is a lot of confusion about what exactly is going on downstairs in between hard cocks and clearly defined cunts. Well, let’s take a look.

Clitdicks and Penorises

You may not know this, but all fetuses start off as females. It’s only later in the gestation process that gender differentiation begins and that lil itty bitty baby clit grows into a slightly less itt bitty baby dick. But sometimes, the clit doesn’t make up its mind right away, tries out the dick thing, decides against it, and then ends up as a sweet mega monster clit. And then other times, a clit’s owner decides later in life that she really wants to take a lot of testosterone and work out all the time, and that gives her a monster clit to. Either way, these giant, uncircumcised “little men in the boats” clearly demonstrate that guys and girls aren’t so very different after all.

This not so little guy belongs to pro-wrestler Chyna

This baby’s got some girth.

And this just defies most people’s understanding of human anatomy. Obviously, a photo found on the Internet doesn’t meet the academic burden of proof, but it’s still wild and segues us nicely into our next category…

Best of Both Worlds

The F*Bomb staff are in no way sexual oddity newbies, but we have no idea what the fuck is going on in this video. Our investigations into documented medical hermaphroditism have turned up no mention of perfectly formed dicks and pussies coexisting, especially not on such otherwise normal porn star looking “ladies.” Then again, our other investigations into prosthetics in porn have yielded nothing but fake looking, rubbery giant cocks that ejaculate heavy whipping cream and have to be held at the base. Both these gals, if that’s how they are identifying, are rocking some fake cocken that seems intensely sturdy for being held on with spirit gum. This one just blows our minds and makes us real sad that we will never get a chance to fuck a pussy with our dick while being fucked in our pussy by a dick. Sad.

Giant Dick Dick-Girls

George Orwell’s vision of the future was a boot stamping on the human face- forever. F*Bomb’s is mega hot, huge cocked, auto-fellating dick-girls stroking their massive meat poles and blasting each other with geysers of creamy white liquid- forever. It’s like some genius looked over at a porn site’s banner ads, saw one for hot girls, and another promising to “give you an enormous erection in just 7 days” and thought, “Damn, why don’t I just combine those and become insanely wealthy?” Those dicks might be fake now, but mark our words, once cloning becomes the primary method of procreation, these hyper-gendered, dick swinging, super babes will take over the world and create a Utopian society where you never have to worry about what to do when you pour a bowl of cereal and then realize you’re out of milk.

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8 Responses to Mighty Hermaphroditey

  1. sweetness says:

    this post is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but i think that “hermaphrodite” is an outdated term, “intersex” is preferred these days.

    • fbombforever says:

      Well excuuuuuuuse us! However, since none of these performers appear to be legitimate, biologically intersexed individuals (‘cept maybe that lady in the first video with the baby dick clit) we’re going to stick by our original appellation. Besides, changing it to intersex would ruin our clever title.

  2. Freida Bee says:

    Oh, what a joyous day that will be, the day when hermaphrodites will live forever. It’ll probably be about ten years after I die, darnit.

  3. Ecniv Otein says:

    Holy shit. I never knew that lady-dong could get that huge. In fact, I am beyond amazed how not only by the size, but how much fucking splooge came out of those fucking things.

    I had to stop mid-whack because I just plain got frightened that I could not even begin to out-parry these ladies if a peener fight broke out.

  4. jon says:

    yes, its only seems limited by the artistry of the latex sculptors… :)

    If you cannot see the join, it most likely does not exist!!

    look carefully at the vid – they are always holding on to it, I will bet there is a very thin jockstrap holding it on, with a heavy layer of latex and makeup….

    Anatomically it is in the totally wrong place, the pubic bone is there!

    look closely at a real penis, it is not ‘at a right angle’ to the body…. :)

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