Recently released from the harsh yolk of parental supervision, freshmen enter the dorms ready to embrace all the freedom that adulthood entails. Unfortunately, instead of centers of responsible decision-making, dorms tend to be post-adolescent penal colonies ruled by bitter RAs, where alcohol abuse, Adderall-fueled all-nighters, and sexual experimentation are common occurrences. From the agony of “sexile” to the maddening frustration of no privacy for masturbation, co-ed dormitories can be a perfect storm of sexual turmoil.
The first problem those seeking to do it in the dorms encounter is the roommate. Whether you’re matched with a cock-blocking homebody or an insatiable sex freak who’d prefer you slept in the hall, boundaries will need to be established. Polly, a UMASS Amherst student, and her roommate were able to rely on common sense and mutual respect, but other students may need to develop a system.
“Most people I knew just texted when not to come to the room and then later, when they could come back,” Polly said.
Of course, even with good communication, those times when a roomie has texted a warning not to return can create awkward situations for the student banned from their own bedroom.
“The main issue with dorm sex, besides fitting two or more people into those stupid extra-long beds, is sexile,” said Katie, a former UT student. “There seemed to be people who basically lived in the common areas and I always figured they had slutty roommates.”
Beyond disrespectful roommates, the cramped corridors of most dorms can present other issues, as well as more than a few opportunities. Since dorm security at UMASS was pretty much a joke, Polly said the sheer convenience of the dorms could sometimes be problematic.
“The easy access in general, though, could cause someone who would usually have time to think things through or change their mind, to have regrets after. Many parties occur in the dorms and the beds are right there,” Polly said.
For other students, however, the convenience was welcome and the other hassles were really only minor hurdles.
“The reason having sex in the dorms was so fun was there was an element of sneakiness,” said Jane, a UT graduate. “If you’re on an all-boys floor, or living in Littlefield like I did, suddenly things like going to the bathroom become covert operations.”
Jane tends to be more nonchalant about dorm sex than other students, however. Describing an experience with a boyfriend that would have left many students scarred for life, Jane was anything but mortified.
“Once we were getting it on in the bottom bunk, and I could hear his roommate on the top bunk,
masturbating. I thought it was pretty hot, but after that he would only have sex in the showers with me,” said Jane.
While Jane sees shower sex as one of the dorm’s “saving graces,” Katie did not share her enthusiasm.
“Don’t do it in the communal bathrooms, that’s fucking nasty,” said Katie, before adding, “At least wear shower shoes.”
Katie also pointed out how even students who aren’t getting any can have their sexual desires hindered by the dormitory lifestyle.
“Don’t forget that even masturbation requires logistical planning when you share a bedroom. Sucks having to explicitly explain to your roommate why they need to leave the room for you to ‘take a nap.’”
Last but not least is the problem of noise pollution. Having the room across the hall blare the new Ke$ha album night and day is obnoxious, but the situation Katie ran into is something else entirely.
“At one point my RA approached me and said ‘Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve gotten some complaints about, um, the amount of noise you make when, you know, you’re having relations,’” said Katie. “And then there was a really long awkward silence and she said, ‘You know, working in the honors dorms, I’ve never really had to address this issue before.’”
