Smokey wants YOU to put on this crystal and JO with him.
Remember this guy? Well, either he’s at it again or this manly JO crystal charging fad is sweeping the nation. This time however, they’re try to add a little fresh air into the manly, NOT GAY, masturbation mix. You should read the full ad in all its glory here (or here if that link dies) because if we tried to excerpt the best parts, we’d end up copying and pasting the whole damn thing. Well, maybe this line sums it up pretty well:
“Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.”
Fire AND vision quests? What is a fire quest, you ask? Well, Google “fire quest” and you’ll find this site that sells “exotic shotgun ammo” like the 12-gauge Flamethrower round, that “produces an enormous wall of fire for 50 + feet.” Are you serious? This camping trip is going to be manly as hell! No way anything that flames that hard could be considered gay.
But if you wanna come on this JO/vison/fire quest, you’re going to need to pack more than just flamethrowing shotgun shells, because the host “don’t want to be slowed down by fools.” According to the graciously provided supply list, a manly camping trip requires:
Ed Hardy Camping Gear
"it's really good gear and it's awesome"
Desire to be a man among men
What's the costume theme for this year's mancamp?
Not afraid to wield a blade
There’s probably going to be a lot of meat-filled denim on this camping trip.
Crystal
Because he's not sharing his
Protective/splash resistant eye wear
And don’t forget “5 – 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use” and Nickelback’s The Long Road album. You can’t mancamp without those. And ain’t nothing gay about Nickelback.
And just in case you’re not convinced about the spiritual energy than can be channeled by jacking off with your bros while wearing a crystal, as well as how NOT GAY this all is, check out the final testimonial offered by the author.
“Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.”
Their fire/vision/jack off/crystal bro-magic was so powerful they attracted BEARS! Ain’t nothing gay about that.
We couldn't help but notice you were jacking off with crystals...
