The Internet is pretty much what you would get if Jung’s “collective unconscious” and a pre-Giuliani Times Square had a baby, and then that baby oversaw a flea market where all the vendors were ex-con hoarders and Chinese media pirates. It’s a strange, surreal, seedy place and no matter how low you might go into its hot, steamy depths, there is always more filth and scum to explore.
F*Bomb’s been murking around in this mess for a little under a year and we feel like we’ve seen some pretty strange stuff, stuff that we can’t un-see no matter how many times we deep bleach our eyeballs. And then, just when we’re starting to feel like we’re making real exploratory progress, something comes along and reminds us that the Internet is an iceberg and we haven’t even seen what’s under the water yet. And maybe we don’t want to.
Thankfully, there are pros out there who have dug deeper into the bowels of recorded humanity than anyone else is willing to. They sort through the feces and debris and come back with the tiny flecks of gold that make all this mess matter. Websites, blogs, and tape compilers like Everything is Terrible, Found Footage Film Festival, and TV Carnage have scoured thrift stores and yard sales looking for the craziest stuff they can find, and as crazy as their stuff might be, we don’t know if we’ve seen anything that tops Crazy Dave Tape’s Sexual Porno DVD Tape Work Out. Check out the moderately SFW Youtube version here.
And then hold on to something solid, take a big gulp of nitrous oxide, and watch the 30 minute preview right here: http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/sexual-porno-dvd-tape-workout/847691/
This is seriously the greatest thing we’ve ever seen. Unlike regular nerd hobbies, like collecting records or non-porn films, pornography is an extra tricky pastime because people don’t pass on their collections. When some cranky old collector of something normal dies, his wife or kids will donate all his sweet obscure Jimi Hendrix LPs to Goodwill without realizing they were worth a fortune on EBay. Sooner than later, someone who does know their value will spot them, scoop them up, and keep them in circulation. But with porn, people don’t donate that to Goodwill, so big box VHS porn rarities go extinct quick because they end up in the garbage so much more often than in a well kept collection. At the same time, the modern porn world doesn’t care about its history and so almost zero porn stores around these days have used or rare sections for old videos. So, taking that into account, it’s extremely impressive that Crazy Dave Tape (what an awful name by the way) managed to find enough psychotronic sex gems to boil them down into a clip show this crazy, this completely bat-fucked, that we found ourselves ordering a full length copy of the DVD and another 24 pack of whipped cream chargers before we even finished writing this blog.
